


Dazed and Confused

by Obsessive_mishamigo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Catfish - Freeform, Cheating, College AU, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, RocketMan, Tinder, awkward moments, dazedandconfused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessive_mishamigo/pseuds/Obsessive_mishamigo
Summary: When Dean can’t go all the way with his eager girlfriend, Anna, he quickly learns why.Armed with this new information, he takes to Tinder to test his theory and falls for a sexy set of hip bones.





	1. Chapter 1

Hot breaths, heavy hands, moving lips, and tongues. It was a typical Friday night in the dorms of the University of Northern Iowa. Well, almost a typical night.   
  
“Baby? Is something wrong?” Anna pulled back slightly to look at the face of her boyfriend, whose lap she had been sitting on.   
  
“No, everything is fine. Why?” Dean looked at her then looked down.    
  
“This happens every time. You say you are in the mood, but all we end up doing is kissing.” Her hand slipped between them and started to massage him but nothing happened.   
  
“I just think I’m stressed. I have some pretty difficult classes this term. My mind isn’t here.” With another quick kiss, he carefully removed his girlfriend off his lap and shuffled over to his desk.    
  
“I don’t know how much longer I can go with this dry spell, Dean.” She slapped his book closed. “You need to figure this out.” A few calming breaths later and she was making her way to the door. “I’ll see you tonight at the party?”    
  
“I guess so, you know how I hate parties.” He opened his book again and sighed. “Fine, I’ll go for you.”   
  
She squealed and rushed to hug him before leaving to go get ready.    
  


Moments after she left, he packed up his books and left to go up two floors to his best friend’s room. “Cas, open up. I know your nerd ass is in here studying. I need help,” he said, pounding on the door.    
  
Dark, messy hair and blue eyes met Dean’s candy apple green ones when the door creaked open. “What’s the password?” the deep voice behind the portal asked.    
  
“Move your ass, Cas?” Dean looked at him like he wasn’t about to put up with any of his best friend’s shit today.    
  
“Password?” A small smirk met those blue eyes, a definite way of getting back at the Winchester for past shit.

 

“Do I really have to?” Dean looked at him, unamused.   
  


Castiel started to close the door again. “Okay, okay! Fine,” Dean huffed. “I…like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny. When a girl walks in with that itty bitty waist and that round thing in your face you… open the damn door.” Dean pushed the door, forcing Cas to move away with a laugh. 

 

“Come on, you have to admit that was pretty funny.” Castiel shut the door behind them and scooted off to his desk chair.    
  


Dean flopped down on Cas’ bed and his head frustratingly hit the pillow. “Screw homework, I have a bigger issue here. I think Anna is gonna leave me if I can’t…perform.”   
  
Cas slowly closed his book and rotated his chair. “Tell me you mean with like your guitar or something.”   
  
Dean looked over and shook his head. “No, you idiot. In bed. Cas, what’s wrong with me?”   
  
“Nothing’s wrong with you. What’s going on?” Cas leaned against his knees.    
  
“I keep trying to have sex with Anna, but everytime I try, I just can’t manage to…get it up.” He sighed and looked up to the bunk above him.    
  
Castiel tried to hide a small snort. “I don’t see what exactly the problem is. Maybe you aren’t sexually attracted to her.”    
  
“You insane? Of course I am.” Dean got defensive.    
  
“Whoa, relax. This isn’t a bad thing. Just means you probably need to figure out what you  _ are _ sexually attracted to. Here I have an experiment for you. Go back to your dorm, turn on several types of porn, and whatever one wakes up ‘Mr. Happy,’ stick with it.” Cas turned back to his desk as if this was a normal thing to talk about. “That’s how I figured I was bi.”    
  
“I’m not about to watch two  _ dudes _ having sex.”    
  
“Suit yourself. It’s pretty hot.” Cas mumbled and went back to his work. “Did you have any questions about the homework? Or just your pending sexuality, my friend?” He glanced over his shoulder and secretly checked Dean out.    
  
Dean sighed heavily. “Yeah, I actually do have some questions about math.” Sitting up, he took his work out so he could get it done before he had to leave for the party.


	2. Chapter 2

“Dean, I swear to God if you are standing me up,” Anna said slightly frustrated as she banged on his door. 

 

“I’m not standing you up. I was just studying with Cas.” He came up behind her and let them both in. After he dropped off his books and did a quick outfit change, they were both headed to the party in the next dorm building over. 

 

The party was so big it encompassed a whole floor. Everyone had their doors open. Music was synced up with multiple Bluetooth speakers spread across the dorm rooms. No one seemed to care how loud the music was because they were having too much fun. Several rooms were set up with various strengths of alcohol, combined with ready-made snacks for the taking. Loud cheers echoed when someone brought out a slip ‘n slide and put it in the hallway. To save on water, a bottle of shampoo was squirted all over it. To stop people from flying down too far, a pyramid of red cups stood tall at the end of the slippery plastic.    
  
“Anna, I don’t feel comfortable being here. I don’t know anyone but you, and the people here seem to be insane.”

 

“Live a little,” she said with a chuckle. A red cup was practically shoved into his chest by a random guy. Dean sniffed it, deemed it okay, and started to drink it. “That’s what I’m talking about.” Anna hit his stomach while he was drinking, nearly causing him to choke on it. 

 

“Stop that,” his voice was lower from a slight cough her smack caused. 

 

Anna seemed to vanish for a bit, leaving Dean to his thoughts as he instantly became a wallflower. He was about three drinks in and getting buzzed when she came back and pulled on his arm.

 

“There’s a game of spin the bottle. I want to play, and you’re coming with me.” She hung herself all over him while she talked, hot tequila breath hitting his face. 

 

Dean tried to hide an actual cringe from the way she was acting. “Anna, I really don’t want to. That’s not really something I would call...fun.”

 

“Please, baby? For me?” Anna turned and gave him big, pleading eyes.

 

Dean sighed heavily and gave her a very small and quick kiss. “Fine, for you. I’ll spin once then I’m out.” 

 

She bounced happily and pushed him into a room where people were gathered in a circle. Dean was pulled down next to a Junior named Benny and Anna sat down across from him. 

 

Four spins in and it was Dean’s turn. “I’m only going once. So I guess I better make it count,” he said and looked over to his girlfriend. 

 

He flicked his wrist hard and the bottle spun quickly. Everyone watched as it started to slow down, passing Anna several times before eventually coming to a halt. 

 

Cheers and whoops filled the room when they all saw it landed on Benny. “Come on Winchester. Don’t chicken out on us!” Some idiot from his chem class called out. 

 

Shifting how he was sitting, Dean downed the rest of his mixed drink and looked at Benny. “I guess if I have to.” 

 

He leaned in slowly and their lips touched. The once tense man had instantly relaxed and began to kiss him more. Benny felt this and deepened their kiss, taking over Dean’s mouth with his own tongue. 

 

Anna cleared her throat as it got very heated, causing them both to come to a screeching halt. Glancing down, Dean saw and felt his erection in his pants. He stood up fast and quickly excused himself for the bathroom. 

 

He locked himself in a shower stall and tried to calm down. While he was gone, the game slowed down and eventually stopped. Dean, however, was still sporting impressive wood and couldn’t shake it at all. 

 

Slow, heavy footsteps came walking through the otherwise empty bathroom. “Dean? Are you in here? Anna is looking for you.” Benny’s voice filled the space. 

 

Dean poked his head out of the shower, saw Benny, and closed it again quickly. Benny saw this. He went over and knocked on the door. “Hey, why are you camping out in the shower?” 

 

Dean sighed and opened the door, his pants showing the intense outline of what was keeping him in there. 

 

“So you got a boner kissing me? What’s wrong with that?” Benny seemed to push his way into the shower and close it behind him. 

 

“Because I’m dating Anna,” he said through gritted teeth. 

 

“Do you need some help taking care of it?” Benny ignored what he said and pushed against the wall, his hand ran along the outside of Dean’s pants. “Or would you like to take care of it yourself?” His breath hit Dean’s neck and he shivered. 

 

Not even knowing what came over Dean, he reached up and took Benny by either side of his face and kissed him hard and deep. “You made a good choice, Winchester.” Benny kissed him again and began to undo Dean’s pants to set him free. A larger hand wrapped around his hard cock and began to stroke it quickly, lips stuck to his neck and throat kissing him all over. 

 

Dean moaned loudly, not even knowing if anyone else was in the bathroom. Benny dropped down to his knees and took him completely in his mouth. His tongue fully explored his length. “Mmm, you taste good, Winchester.” Benny took note and returned his mouth, letting his hand chase it with a twist. 

 

Dean finally looked down at the other man. Both of his hands shot down to the back of Benny’s head to try and hold him there. “So eager. Have you never had a guy do this to you before?” Benny managed to pull away and ask, hand still moving quickly. 

 

“N-no… don’t stop, please don’t stop,” Dean moaned out, eyes closing yet again. His hips began to move faster, fucking Benny’s face harder. “Oh God, yes.” 

 

He didn’t give Benny any warning, mainly because his body didn’t give him any warning. He locked up and a growl got caught in his throat as he came hard in his mouth. Benny swallowed it all and stood up, kissing Dean deeply again so he could taste himself. Groaning into Benny’s mouth, he tucked himself away. 

 

“You better?” Benny asked with a wink. 

 

“Yeah,” was just breathed out. “Thanks for that.”

 

“Go enjoy the rest of the party now.” Benny chuckled and left to take his own advice. 

 

Dean waited a few minutes before leaving and going to find Anna. On his way, he found the drinks downing one and taking another. Seeing the redhead in the corner, he went over and kissed her cheek. “Gross Dean, why do you smell like sex?” She glared at him. 

 

“What are you talking about?” He tried to look confused. 

 

“We are not talking about this here.” Her hand grabbed him and pulled him away and outside. “Dean, what the hell is going on?” Anna stood near him, arms crossed. “First you seem to have problems with me, now you reek of sex,” her voice cracked, fearing the worst. “Did you…have sex with someone just now?”

 

“No, I didn’t have sex with someone,” Dean looked away. “Not fully at least,” he mumbled. 

 

“Tell me the truth. Who?” The hurt in her eyes was apparent. 

 

“Benny,” was all but whispered. “Gave me head in the bathroom.” 

 

“Benny assaulted you?” 

 

“Not exactly, I…let him, and…I enjoyed it,” he spoke slowly out of embarrassment and knowing what he just did would hurt her. 

 

“So that’s why you looked so damn relaxed kissing him!” Anna reached out and pushed him back away from her. “Well, I hope it was worth it,” was all she said before storming off. “So fucking done with you, Dean,” could be heard while she walked away. 

 

“Shit,” he cursed then did the only thing he could think of. He wanted to go to the nearest bar. Coincidentally, it was actually the party where he could drink all night for free.

  
The moment he got back to the party, voices had already been talking about what some people had overheard outside. The whispering voices and the side looks didn’t help Dean’s mood at all. Going into the first room he saw with alcohol, he started to drink and drink fast. Fast enough for the host to start to get concerned. “Hey man, I think you’ve had enough. Do you have someone to come get you?” Cole asked, almost trying to hold him upright and steady.   
  
Dean nodded and took out his phone, and without even thinking, he called Castiel, asking him to pick him up.   
  
After getting confirmation that he was on the way, Cole sat outside with Dean while they waited. “Hey, Winchester, don’t let what people say ruin things for you, okay? Jerks are jerks.”    
  
“Whatever,” Dean mumbled right as Cas pulled up to take him to his dorm to sober up.


	3. Chapter 3

“Okay, Dean,” Cas grunted and laid him down on his bed. “Talk to me, buddy.”

Dean instantly growled with a forming headache and rolled away from his friend. “I did something stupid and Anna left me. God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Okay, hey. Stop there. First, you aren’t stupid. Second, what did you do?” Cas looked at him but he didn’t say anything. “Dean? Talk to me.” But it was useless. He was out cold. “Damn it, Dean.”

Cas snagged a pillow and a throw blanket and tossed it on the ground out of the way. He laid down right as the door creaked open. “Cassie? Why are you on the floor?” Balthazar asked as he closed the door and made his way to his own bed. He stopped for a second, seeing Dean. “That explains that, but now I have more questions. Like for one, why aren’t you in the bed with your Mr. Perfect?”

Cas just glared at the taller man. “How is that any of your business?”

“You really should have been at that party, Cassie. Maybe you could have been the one to give him the ride of his life in the bathroom instead of Benny.” He winked at Cas and laid down.

“Dean would never…” Sitting up, he looked over at Dean. “Would he?”

“Rumor is that he kissed Benny during a game and got so turned on, Benny had to finish what he started. Sounds like there is hope for you after all,” he said in a yawn. “Bag your man before someone else does.”

This was suddenly a lot of information to take in and he didn’t know if any of it was true. Balthazar wasn’t always the most reliable of sources. He laid back down and tried to sleep through his racing thoughts.

The next morning, Dean left before anyone was awake, he couldn’t stand the thought of having to talk about it. An hour after, Castiel and Balthazar both woke up. “Do you want breakfast? My treat?” Zar offered.

“No thank you,” he yawned and went to his desk to get back to the textbook he had been reading when Dean had called him. “Raincheck?”

“Consider it done,” Zar clicked and took off to get food.

*****

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Cas, open up!” Anna was still angry, banging on his door.

Cas jumped at the loud noise and slowly opened the door. “Anna?” he asked but she just narrowed her gaze. A hand came out and pushed the door open so she could enter.

“Take this.” She shoved a sweatshirt at his chest. “It’s Dean's. I don’t want to see his cheating ass ever again! Fucking thing smells like him. I’m not petty enough to burn it. Trust me though, I thought about it.”

“So the rumor is true?” Cas put the sweatshirt on his desk. “Did Dean really have sex with Benny?”

“Benny blew him in the bathroom, Cas. And Dean loved it. He told me himself.” Her volume increased with her anger. On and on she went about how she should have seen the signs and how stupid she felt. Several people on the floor were starting to get annoyed so they went to the RA.

Light taps could be heard, and Cas went to answer it. “Hey Samandriel, come on in.”

“I’ve received a few complaints about someone yelling. Is everything okay?”

Anna turned around and locked eyes on Samandriel. “Yeah, I was just venting about my ex. I’m sorry, sugar. Won’t happen again.” She smiled. “Thanks, Cas, in advance for giving him his sweatshirt back,” she said and headed to the door. On her way out, she brushed Samandriel on accident.

“Dude, you have to introduce me,” Samandriel said after she left.

“I don’t know if now is a good time.”

“Please?”

“Fine but right now.” He ran out into the hallway to stop Anna. A minute later he came back in with her. “Anna, this is Samandriel, Sama, this is Anna. There. I’m done doing favors for people today.” He flopped down on his bed.

Seeing Cas obviously wanted space, Samandriel took Anna to his dorm to get to know her. “Thank you,” he mouthed on their way out and a wave was the only response he got.

*****

Dean sat on the edge of his bed with his phone in his hand, thinking deeply about what to do. Was it just Benny or all guys? Would that explain the way I feel around….No? Dean sighed.

Unlocking his phone, he boldly decided to download Tinder and made a profile. He set it to show him guys and girls to test the waters. “Crap, I need a username?” After a few moments of trying things and them being taken, he finally settled on DazedAndConfused. He honestly found this to fitting, considering he was questioning things in his life. For his picture, he chose one that he didn’t even realize he had. It took him a few minutes to realize that Cas must have taken that when he had forgotten his phone.

He browsed around on the app. Some people had pictures of their faces. Some had other various pictures. Dean looked through profile after profile. Some he liked. Most he didn't. He found there were more guy profiles that appealed to him more. When he landed on one that had just a torso pic, he found himself admiring the abs and cut hip bones of the guy. Obviously, this man took care of himself. After a few minutes of staring at the picture and wondering what this guy was like and what it would be like to be blown by him and maybe more, Dean found he was hard. “So it is guys in general,” he mumbled to himself.

He imagined the cut and toned chest above him and thought about Benny’s lips around him as he handled himself. His roommate was rarely ever there so he could do this in peace. He moved faster and gasped when he came thinking about Benny's lips and blue eyes. Why blue eyes?


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel was procrastinating a few days later. With his textbook open next to his feet on the desk, he unlocked his phone and absentmindedly opened Tinder. His face looked unamused as he continuously swiped left. 

 

He was about to swipe again when a pair of green eyes caught his. “No fucking way,” he said to himself and his feet dropped to the floor. “Dean?!” Cas had never swiped right so fast in his life. What was even more surprising to him, it came up with a match. “Oh shit.” He didn’t expect that to happen. “Nah, he’s not gonna message me.” 

Famous last words. Shortly after, he got a message.

_ DazedAndConfused _ Hey. I like your picture.

_RocketMan_ Thanks, me too…but with yours.

 

_ ‘Does he even know it’s me?’ _ He decided to check. 

 

_ RocketMan _ What’s your name? 😉

 

_ ‘A wink? What the hell is wrong with me?’ _

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Dean, what’s yours?

 

_ ‘Holy shit, he doesn’t know. Okay, play it cool Novak.’ _

 

_ Rocketman  _ Tyler. Nice to meet you, Dean. 

 

_ ‘Why did I say that? Why didn’t I just tell him it was me? Fuck, not like I can take it back now.’ _

 

_ DazedAndConfused  _ Tyler, do you go to school at UNI too? It said you were really close. 

_ RocketMan _ I do, communications major.

_ DazedAndConfused   _ Maybe we will see each other on campus. 

_ RocketMan  _ Maybe. I hope so, you’re really hot. 

_DazedAndConfused_ I’m not used to talking to other guys like this. You are really the first one I’ve even tried to. I can say talking to you is already like second nature. I hope we get to talk some more. I have to go to class, but I’ll message you later?   
  
_RocketMan_ I’d like that. Have a good class, Dean. :) 

 

“Holy shit,” he actually said out loud. Was this just happening? Dean was interested in him, well, Tyler. It was like the start to a wet dream. Only problem, Tyler didn’t exist. He’s never existed. 

 

After Dean was done with class, he did what he normally did. He went to see his best friend. “Cas, open up.”    
  


Cas answered, and Dean came right in and flopped on the bed. “I need help with math and you have some sort of Rain Man shit when it comes to that.” 

 

“Shut up and tell me what you need help with.” He rolled his chair over to Dean and snatched up the textbook.    
  
After helping him with the first one, he couldn’t get something off his mind. “Is it true?” He finally spoke up.   
  
“It what true?” Dean was playing dumb.    
  
“About you and Benny. Did he really… you know… corner you in the bathroom?”

 

Dean turned both red and went pale at the same time. How did he find out? “Yeah…” He said softly and gulped hard.    
  
“I heard you liked it.” He had a smirk on his face. “You joining my team?” He tossed an eraser at him.    
  
“I don’t know. I’m still getting used to the idea.” He buried his face in his book. 

 

“I’m sure you will figure out what you want sooner or later.” Cas turned back to his desk.    
  
“Yeah…” his talking trailed away.  _ ‘Why did he word it like that?’ _

It took Dean till he got back to his dorm to realize that is what he put on his Tinder profile. Was Cas on there? Did he see him? He spent the rest of the night on Tinder, looking for Cas. 

 

_ RocketMan _ Hey stranger.

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Oh, hey Tyler. How’s your night?

 

The smile that rose on Dean’s face was one that took a lot to accomplish. 

 

_ RocketMan _ Better now. How about yours?   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ Not too bad. Just finished an ass load of homework so I have the rest of the night to dick around. 

 

_ RocketMan _ Dick around huh? Is that a euphemism? Or are you actually not going to do anything tonight?   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ No, I’m actually not doing anything tonight. I know, it’s a shock. A single male can do whoever or whatever he wants, just staying in his dorm. On the bright side at least now, I have you to keep me company. 

 

Dean had abandoned his search for Cas. He was drawn to Tyler and he wasn't sure why. But he would be damned if he was going to question it right now. 

 

_ RocketMan _ I have nothing else to do. Talking to you has already been fun. I think I’m really gonna like talking to you more, Dean.   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ But it’s only been a day. How can you be so sure?

 

_ RocketMan _ Call it intuition. I just have a good feeling about you. I don’t normally get that kind of feeling on here.    
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ I get that feeling too. It’s weird. 

 

_ RocketMan _ So, you’re still looking for what you want. Do you think that might lead to being with a guy?    
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ Well… possibly. I’m not gonna lie and say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. More so lately. Why? You planning on offering up your services for me to try? Lol

 

_ RocketMan _ Would that be so bad?   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ Seeing your profile picture? I’d say no, it wouldn’t be that bad. 

 

They talked the rest of the night until they both fell asleep holding their phones.

 

*****

 

A month later, Dean was over at Cas’ dorm to just hang out and drink. What else was there to do? A few drinks in, Dean’s filter was slowly disintegrating.    
  
“So, Dean,” Balthazar leaned forward. “Been doing anything interesting lately? Seeing anyone?”   
  
Dean’s eyes rolled up. “I have been on a dating app.” He took a drink so he didn’t have to say more about it.    
  
“Is that right? Cassie, our little Dean is growing up and on dating apps.”    
  
“You say this like we haven’t gone on dating apps before.” Cas glared at the taller man.    
  
“But this is new for Dean. Out in the world, spreading the Winchester gospel everywhere with his undoubtedly bad and cheesy pickup lines. Do those work on the ladies, Dean?” Zar sipped on his mixed drink.   
  
“Not trying them on  _ the ladies _ ,” Dean mumbled then covered his mouth for a small burp.    
  
Balthazar heard his tone and had a great idea. “Drinking game, gents. Truth or Dare or Never Have I Ever?”

 

Dean could see the pros and cons of either game so he chose the lesser of the two evils in his mind. “Let’s do never have I ever. I don’t need you daring me to do something stupid.” 

 

Cas decided to go first after they explained the rules to drink only if you  _ have _ done it. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”    
  
Dean and Balthazar both drank, and the turn moved to Balthazar. “Never have I ever kissed a guy.” While Dean and Cas both drank, Balthazar snuck one of his own. This game was never about him anyway.    
  
“Never have I ever had sex with a guy.” Dean didn’t look up as the two drank.    
  
“Never have I ever cheated on a test.” It was the first time only Zar drank.    
  
“Here we go,” Balthazar leaned forward almost as if he was targeting someone. “Never have I ever had a crush on someone and felt guilty about it.” His eyebrow raised.    
  
Both Dean and Cas looked away from each other while they took their drinks. This was something Balthazar couldn’t ignore. “I’m bored of this game, let’s change. Cassie, truth or dare?” Balthazar rolled his eyes. 

 

“Dare,” this was a simple choice for him. Mainly because he was three beers in already.   
  
“I dare you to stay shirtless the rest of the night.” Balthazar snorted into his drink.    
  
Well, a dare was a dare and who was he to not play along. Castiel’s shirt went flying and actually hit Dean in the face. “Dean, truth or dare?” It was Cas’ turn to ask.    
  
Dean chugged the rest of his drink and got another before he even answered. “I guess truth.”   
  
“Have you met anyone interesting on your dating app?” Cas smirked.   
  
Dean’s face turned three shades of red. “Maybe.” He muttered.    
  
“ _ Maybe _ ?” Castiel looked over at him and almost spit out his drink. “Go on, Winchester.” He smacked Dean’s knee.   
  
“I’ve been talking to someone, okay? I don’t need to get harassed by you two. I’m gonna go back.” He put down his unfinished drink and without even looking at them left. He wasn’t sure why this bothered him so much. What was the big deal about him talking to someone? He needed some comfort so while he walked back he took out his phone and sent a message to Tyler. 

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Am I doing the right thing by talking to you?

 

Cas had to turn his sounds off not to throw Balthazar off.    
  
_ RocketMan _ What makes you think that?   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ I just got ragged on by my friends for talking to someone on a dating app.    
  
_ RocketMan _ Dean, you can do whatever you want. Who cares what your friends think?   
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ How are you so smart?   
  
_ RocketMan _ I’m in college. Lol

_ DazedAndConfused _ Don’t you think it’s weird that we have been talking for a month and you don’t even know my last name? I don’t know yours either.

 

This message sent a small panic set in.  _ ‘Shit! Last name?’ _ Cas quickly looked around the room. Tyler…Lamp? No…that even  _ sounds _ made up. That was when his eyes found his movie collection, and it was like a light turned on. 

 

_ RocketMan  _ Durden. What’s yours, sexy?

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Winchester. Like the gun.


	5. Chapter 5

****Three Weeks Later****

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ I had a dream about you last night. Well, your hips at least. I had to imagine the rest. How come I’ve never seen your face?

_ RocketMan _ Oh? What did you dream about?    
  
_ DazedAndConfused _ Let’s just say I woke up hard af, still laying here with it, waiting for my roommate to leave so I can take care of it.

_ RocketMan _ When he leaves, I can help you take care of it.

_ DazedAndConfused _ He’s gone and the thought of you helping me has kept me hard. What would you do to me if you were here?

_ RocketMan _ I would take my time and stroke you slowly before letting my tongue do the work

_ DazedAndConfused _ Oh yeah? Then what?

 

Dean began to manipulate his cock just anticipating what he was going to say next.    
  


_ RocketMan  _ After your cock is nice and wet, I would slick up my fingers and work that tight virgin ass open slowly. 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Oh god…

 

Dean’s hand began to move even faster

 

_ RocketMan _ Then when you’re nice and ready, I would bite your neck while filling you up, so full you will want to pop. I would fuck you so hard you would cum without even being touched. Then after I blow my load inside you I would lick you clean just to taste you.

 

That’s all it took for Dean. He came hard in his hand just by his words alone. 

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ Holy shit... I just came so hard. Please tell me I get to meet you soon so you can actually do that to me.

 

_ RocketMan _ Well, break is coming up here next week. Do you have plans?   
  
Dean sat up quickly. Was this going to happen? Would he finally get to meet Tyler? Figure out if all the emotions he had been feeling were actually there? See if he was actually real or just a figment of his imagination. Either way, the thought excited him.    
  


_ DazedAndConfused _ Nah, I don’t feel like driving hours just to be yelled at by my dad. 

_ RocketMan  _ So you’re staying on campus then?

_ DazedAndConfused _ I guess so. Are you? Can I see you? That would be the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten. 

_ RocketMan _ I’d love that. I’ll be at Rocco’s Coffee next Saturday. See you there?

_ DazedAndConfused _ Hell yeah. I’ll be there. 

 

After class that day, Dean was so excited to tell Cas about the fact that he was finally going to meet Tyler.    
  
“Cas! Cas, man, open up!” Dean was knocking like a woodpecker on his door.

 

A bed-headed Cas answered from taking a much-needed nap. “What’s up your ass?” He grumbled and stepped aside.    
  
“Cas, I’m gonna finally meet the person I’ve been talking to.” He sat down and took out his phone. With a huge smile, he sent Tyler a message just letting him know he was out of class.   
  
“Do I get to know this mystery person too?” Cas heard his phone go off so he secretly put it on mute. 

 

“Gonna answer that?” Dean nodded towards the phone. Cas looked at his phone and went pale. 

 

“It’s just Zar,” he lied. Somehow he managed to keep messaging Dean while he was there.    
  
“His name is Tyler. We have so much in common. Cas, I-I think I might be falling for him, and I’ve never even seen his face.” He said quietly with the softest smile on his face because he had gotten a message back.    
  
Seeing that look and hearing that Dean had actually developed feelings for him, for Tyler, made Cas both happy and want to hurl at the same time.  _ ‘What have I done? But damn it if he isn’t sexy as hell with that smile. _ ’

 

“Just be careful, okay? You never know with people online.” Cas looked down at his phone. “Promise me you will be careful.”   
  
“I promise, man.” His eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas. “I can’t wait. Well hey, I’ll leave so you can go back to sleep. Your eyes say you want me to shut up so you can. So…see you later.” He got up and on his way out, started to message Tyler again but paused. “Have you ever heard of anyone named Tyler Durden? The name sounds familiar, but I don’t think I have any classes with him.”   
  
Cas actually felt something hit the back of his throat. “No, sorry.” He simply looked over.

 

“Okay, it’s no biggie. See ya, Cas.” 

 

_ DazedAndConfused _ So what kind of coffee do you drink? I want to buy it for you.

 

It took a while for  _ Tyler _ to message back.

 

_ RocketMan _ I just drink it black or cold brew. What about you?

_ DazedAndConfused _ Never really had any fancy coffees but I think now would be as good of a time as any to try something new. I already am just by talking to you. So many other guys have tried talking to me, and I talk to them for a little bit but always stop. No one has caught my attention as much as you have, Tyler. 

_ RocketMan _ I can honestly say the same about you, Dean. I’ve even stopped swiping.

_ DazedAndConfused _ Me too.

  
  


Saturday came and most of the campus was gone for the holiday. It was almost like a ghost town. Dean put on a nice outfit and paced his room for a while before getting the nerve to leave it. The whole walk to Rocco’s felt oddly long. Each step made his heart thump loudly in his chest.  _ ‘What if he sees me in person and realizes he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?’ _ He tried to get these thoughts out of his head, but they just kept coming and coming. He thought about bailing and making an excuse, but his feet kept going towards Tyler. A block away from the coffee shop, he had to pause and shake himself out to calm his mind. 

 

Once inside the shop, he ordered a cold brew and a cappuccino and sat in a booth in the back, just like they had talked about. He sipped on his coffee while looking at both his phone for any messages and the door to see who was coming in. This went on for hours. To the point that he even drank the cold brew.  _ ‘What if he came, saw me, and left?’  _

  
  


Meanwhile, Cas was sitting alone in his dorm, Balthazar gone for now visiting family. Knowing Dean was most likely at Rocco’s, he went on Tinder and deleted his profile. He felt horribly for how far it had gone, and he sat on his bed against the wall just racking his mind on how to fix it. He wanted to tell Dean. He wanted to go and sit down and just tell him it was really him and how he really felt about him. That he had felt this way for years but was too chicken to say anything. 

 

Cas didn’t move until there was a slow knock on his door. He reached over and just opened it. “Hey, Cas,” Dean’s voice sounded horrible, almost depressed. 

 

“What’s wrong?” He sat up and looked at his friend who was moving to sit next to him. 

 

“Tyler never showed up. I haven’t heard from him all day. I think he’s ghosting me.” He let out a slightly shaky breath. “I don’t know what I did. We were hitting it off so well.” 

 

“I’m sure you didn’t do anything, Dean. Hey. Why don’t we watch a movie? That should cheer you up, right?” Cas suggested.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Dean watched Cas grab his laptop and DVD case. 

 

A few moments later Dean was looking up to hear the words. “People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.” 

 

“Cas?” He looked at the movie than his friend. “Did that just say, Tyler Durden?” 

 

“Yeah? Dean, it’s Fight Club. You’ve seen this movie before remember? We watched it on your birthday a few years ago.” Cas looked at him confused.  _ Why was he asking me this? _ Then it hit him. That was the last name he used for him, for Tyler. Fuck! He quickly looked back at the screen and prayed Dean wouldn’t ask any more questions about it.

 

Dean slipped his phone into his lap and opened Tinder. Not only had Tyler not messaged him today, but it was also like Tyler never existed. Talk about strange parallels. The feeling of defeat and desperation washed over Dean’s face the very second he realized this whole time he had been catfished and even that person didn't want him. 

 

He just tried to watch the movie, but every time they said Tyler it was like a stab to the heart. Halfway through he couldn’t take it anymore. He reached out and closed the computer. Pulling his knees up to his chest he started to sob into them. 

 

“What’s wrong? Why did you stop the movie?” Cas knew why.

 

“It was a lie. None of it was real. Tyler wasn’t real. Cas, I got catfished. I-I should have known. I should have seen the signs.” His voice sounded like it was going through a cheese grater. 

 

Cas wanted to hug him, tell him everything was going to be okay. Instead, he got up and went to his desk chair to sit down. The atmosphere in the room was dark, heavy. You could cut the air with a plastic spork. Watching his best friend sobbing over what he had done hit him hard. It seemed like he had been unaware of how deeply Dean had fallen for Tyler. It was time to come clean. “Dean?” Cas gulped hard. “It wasn’t all a lie.”

 

“How would you know, Cas? I didn’t tell you about it. We had so many long talks at night. I honestly felt great while talking to him. I know it’s stupid, and that he was just some guy online. But he helped me get through realizing I’m gay. I…” He no longer trusted his words. His tear tracks seemed to cut harsh lines down his cheeks. 

 

Cas took a deep breath and let it out. “I know it wasn’t all a lie because...because I’m Tyler. I’m the one you’ve been talking to. The whole time.” 

 

“No, you aren’t. You know why I know you aren’t? Because you are my best friend, and you would never do that to me.” Dean stood up to face Cas. 

 

Cas simply stood up too, and without even looking at Dean, he lifted his shirt and moved his pants slightly to show his hip bones. “Tyler’s picture? My hips?” 

 

It was like Dean had been sucker punched. “If…if you’re Tyler, what is something only he would know?”

 

“You dreamed about me the night before we made plans to go get coffee at Rocco’s.” Cas still couldn’t make eye contact with him. 

 

“You bastard!” Dean yelled. “Why the fuck would you do that to me?! I thought you were my friend! Fuck! We went to high school together, Cas! We were best friends! You didn’t have the balls to just say it was you to start with?” Dean nearly smashed his phone but stopped himself at the last second. “You know what, Cas…fuck you,” he said with a dark glare before he left the room, slamming the door. 

  
Castiel’s heart shattered.  _ ‘How could I do that to him? What is wrong with me? He’s never gonna forgive me. _ ’ He dropped to his knees on the floor and began to fight his own breakdown. 


	6. Chapter 6

‘Dean, please call me. I’m sorry. I’ll do anything. Just… please.’

 

‘Dean, I know you are getting these. You have your read receipts on. I’m sorry. But everything I said as Tyler was true. All the feelings were mine. All the words. The only thing I lied about was my name.’

 

‘Please…I need my best friend. I need you, Dean. You must know how bad I feel about this. I know I hurt you. There is no excuse I can give, no reason to why I did it other than I was scared to actually tell you how I feel about you.’

 

‘If you never talk to me again I will understand. I did the worst thing I could have done to you and ruined our friendship. I’m sorry, Dean.’

 

‘Dean it’s been three days. Please talk to me. Knowing you are hurting alone makes it so I can barely breathe.’

 

‘Come on, it’s been almost a week. Dean, I just want to hear your voice again but your voicemail says it's full. It won’t even play your greeting anymore. I just hope you are at least getting these texts.’

 

‘It’s been over a week. I take it you don’t ever want to speak to me again. I’ll just leave you with this. I love you, Dean. I have for years. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again. Or anyone.’   
  
*****

 

Dean was in his room with empty bottles of both beer and hard liquor. The only time he had left was to go to the bathroom. Even then he didn’t talk to anyone. His roommate even went to go stay with a friend for a while. Every time his phone went off he looked at it through hooded,  double vision eyes then locked his phone again. He tried to drink the thoughts of both Cas and Tyler out of his mind. He had fallen and fallen hard for Tyler. Maybe he could even say he loved him. But Tyler wasn’t even real. That means he fell in love with his best friend and didn’t even know it. Any other circumstances he might have even welcomed this, not this way.

 

In the middle of his drunken stupor, he had deleted his Tinder profile and the app all together. He didn’t want anything on his phone that reminded him of it. Even all the pictures of Cas were deleted too. But not before a tear hit each and every one of them. Why did it hurt so bad? Why wasn’t the alcohol helping? Why did it just seem to make it worse?

 

*****

 

Balthazar couldn’t have had better timing coming back from his holiday. The second he opened the door to their dorm he saw Castiel laying on the floor. That was a little weird in itself. But what made him literally drop everything and call 911 was the fact that by both hands was a puddle of blood. “Come on Cassie, why?” He ripped up a shirt and tied strands around both wrists to try and halt the bleeding. “Cassie, open your eyes, please.” He now had Castiel on his lap while he waited for the paramedics to get there. “I swear I have no idea why he would do this.” He told them. “I was gone on holiday. I just got back. His best friend is Dean Winchester. He might know.” 

 

They took Cas to the hospital, and they had to rush him to surgery. He had lost too much blood, and they needed to give him a transfusion. When they moved him to recovery they called Dean both per Balthazar’s suggestion and that he was Cas’ emergency contact.    
  
The only reason Dean answered the phone was because the call didn’t come from Cas’ number. “Hello?” he slurred.    
  
“Is this Dean Winchester?”   
  
“Yeah, who’s this?”   
  
“This is Doctor Piccolo, we have a Castiel Novak here. He is currently in the ICU after self inflicted wounds to both wrists. We were wondering if you could come in we have a few questions.”   
  
“Why are you calling me?”   
  
“You are listed as Mr. Novak's emergency contact. If you can’t come in do you know of anyone else that could?”   
  
With a reluctant sigh, Dean agreed to go in. The whole Uber ride there gave him time to think, and sober up as much as he could. What had really happened didn’t hit him until he saw Cas laying in the bed. “Oh God.” Dean fell into the chair next to the bed. Reaching out for his hand, he took it and fresh tears fell down his face. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. You better be okay. Please, Cas. Please be okay.” He hiccuped a breath. 

 

Having to let go of his hand, he got up to answer questions about why he thought this happened. “It’s my fault. I should have texted him back. I should have answered his calls. I should have been there for him.”    
  
“This isn’t your fault,” Doctor Piccolo tried to reassure him. 

 

The moment he was able to go back in the room, he did, and he held Cas’ hand again. He sat there and watched him through watery eyes. He might have been pissed off still for what he did, but damn it, Cas was still his best friend and Dean didn’t want him to die.

 

“Stop crying,” Cas grumbled, hearing Dean sniffle. “I’m not dying.” 

 

Dean sobered up as much as he could and let go of his hand. He didn’t know what to say to Cas. He wasn’t sure what hurt him more, the catfishing or this. 

 

“Cas,” Dean’s voice broke. “Why? Why did you want to die?” His heart shattered for his friend. 

 

Cas looked away. “Why are you here? You made it abundantly clear that you hate me. Just leave.”

 

Dean stepped back trying to school his features. This was hard since he wasn't completely sober. “You still had me as your emergency contact.” He hesitated. “I'll leave if you want me to. I'll get Balthazar to come.” He turned to go. “Why did you pretend to be someone else? I thought I was your best friend, that we could talk about anything.” He returned his gaze to Cas showing the hospitalized man just how broken Dean was. 

 

Cas looked ashamed. “I was afraid to lose you as a friend, but it looks like I already have.”

 

“Just give me some time, Cas. You get how fucked up that was to do to me, right? You know what things are like for me,” Dean said evenly. “You were the only person I could trust.” 

 

Dean walked to the door. Cas tried to rip his bandages off. The monitors began beeping loudly. Dean spun on his heels and grabbed Cas’ wrists holding him in place. He looked at Cas with heartbreak in his eyes. “Please get better,” Dean whispered and kissed his forehead before the nurses came in. 

 

Dean went to see Balthazar. He told the man everything Cas had done as Tyler. “I just don't get it, man. Why would he do this? I'm the one with the fucked up life,” he said frustrated. 

 

Balthazar co sided Dean carefully. “You really don't get it.” Dean gave him a curious look. “Cassie likes you, a lot I should say. He doesn't know this but he mumbles in his sleep. He usually mumbles nonsense but sometimes your name and moaning is mixed in, together.”

 

Dean glowered. “So he wants to fuck me.”

 

Balthazar shook his head. “You really are dense. Why in the world would he risk his friendship with you by doing something so utterly stupid?”

 

Dean gave him an incredulous look. “That's what I'm trying to find out, Zar. He won't talk to me anymore. I don't get why he's suddenly gone off the deep end. It's like he never trusted me in the first place.”

 

Balthazar sighed. “He's going to kill me. He's in love with you, Dean.” His friend picked up a sweatshirt. “Anna returned this weeks ago, right after you two broke up. She asked Cas to give it to you. He sleeps with it sometimes. Actually every time you talked about the guy you met online, he slept with it.”

 

“Did you know what he was doing?” Dean asked. He held the sweatshirt that obviously no longer smelled like Dean. 

 

Balthazar shook his head. “Even I wouldn't have done something like that, not if I were in love. Dean, he's kept this secret from you because he was afraid to lose you. If he has lost you, you need to tell him.” The Brit looked at him with sad eyes. 

 

Dean was confused now. “He didn't get the message? Cas took every bit of trust I had in him and tore it to shreds. There's nothing left.”

 

“Then why do you want to understand why he wanted to die? If you don't care, why are we talking?” Balthazar challenged him. “If you really don't care, then you need to leave him alone. I won't watch him die because you can't get your head out of your ass.” 

 

Dean looked to the sweatshirt in his hands. “I was falling for him, for Tyler. He knew it. He deleted Tyler’s profile then told me the truth. I couldn't handle it. He was just fucking with me,” his voice caught. “I'll pick him up from the hospital when they release him in a couple days.”

 

Cas didn't speak to anyone except for Balthazar and Dean during his stay at the hospital. Zar had told him he'd have a ride waiting for him when he was released. He didn't expect Dean to be standing there beside his Impala. 

 

Castiel hesitated. Dean opened the door with an unreadable expression on his face. After a moment, Cas realized that Zar had never said  _ who _ would pick him up. He got in the car. 

 

“I know you didn't expect me,” Dean said. 

 

Cas shook his head. “No, I expected Zar,” he said in almost a whisper. “Why are you doing this? Why are you here?”

 

Dean let his gaze fall to the hand he had on the steering wheel. He hadn't moved the car yet. “I feel responsible.” Dean tried to word this the best way he could. “You did this to yourself because of me, didn't you?”

 

Dean met the hurting gaze of blue eyes that shimmered with wetness. “Do you hate me, Dean?” he whispered brokenly. 

 

Dean twisted in his seat to face him. “I fell for Tyler hard. When that was ripped from underneath me like that, I was broken. I don't hate you, Cas. I just wish you hadn't hidden the truth from me. Why didn't you tell me it was you?” 

 

Cas looked embarrassed. “Dean, you were finding yourself. You hadn't come to terms with your sexuality. As much as I wanted to be the person you came to for that, I wasn't. You went to an app. I only used that app to find hookups. I have no excuse for being selfish. I wanted you to see me for me, not me as your best friend.” Cas finished with a tense breath. 

 

Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I spoke to Zar. He's terrible at keeping secrets.” He looked at Cas knowingly. “How did he get you to tell him that you're in love with me?”

 

Cas dropped his jaw. “I never told him that,” he gasped lightly. He groaned. “Was I that obvious?”

 

Dean chuckled dryly. “No, if you had been maybe you would have been my first gay kiss.” He leaned over and captured Castiel's lips in a gentle kiss. 

 

Cas was shocked. He kissed back on instinct. Dean was kissing him. Dean had his lips on Cas’. Cas was in such a state of shock he didn't realize Dean had pulled back.

 

Dean searched blue eyes. “Cas?”

 

Cas breathed out. “I have been in love with you for so long, Dean. Please tell me you're not playing with my feelings as payback? I would deserve it.”

 

Dean slipped a hand around the back of his neck. “I'll need to go slow since this is new for me. I fell for Tyler. Tyler is you. Took me a while, but I realized I'm crazy about you, Cas. As Tyler, you did help me figure myself out. Yeah, it still hurts, and the trust has to be rebuilt. But I think we can do it.”

 

Castiel kissed him softly. “Let's go back to your room so I'm not as tempted to try and get into your pants right away.”

 

“There's one condition for all of this,” Dean said firmly. Castiel looked concerned. “You can never do this again.” Dean touched Cas’ wrists. “Promise?”

 

“I promise.”


End file.
